First a quote: “You can’t be happy unless you’re also unhappy.” — Arthur C. Brooks
Hello and happy Monday.
Today’s missive originated in the confluence of two recent events; the first was watching a recent episode of CBS Sunday Morning. It featured an interview with Oprah Winfrey and Arthur C. Brooks (a Harvard Professor and happiness expert) about their new book on how to be a happier person.
The second was attending the wedding of one of our daughter’s best friends over the weekend and the joy and happiness I experienced during that celebration. The bride and our daughter have been best friends since junior high school. My wife and I have watched them grow up and go through many of life’s young-adult struggles together.
Our daughter was a matron of honor.
And now about the confluence of those events and my observations.
Arthur C Brooks suggests there are three critical components to happiness; they are enjoyment, satisfaction, and having a purpose. My focus today is on only one of those three elements and that is satisfaction and its connection to happiness.
Happiness and satisfaction are two closely intertwined emotions that often go hand in hand, yet they are not one and the same. While happiness is a broad and often transient emotional state; satisfaction is a deeper, more enduring sense of contentment and fulfillment.
First, a couple of working definitions: (not intended to be all-encompassing)
- Arthur Brooks describes satisfaction as the joy one gets from overcoming struggles, accomplishing challenging tasks, and/or achieving worthy goals. It is a sense of contentment that arises when our desires, needs, or expectations are met or exceeded.
Satisfaction can be experienced in a wide and diverse range of life’s activities, including work & career, relationships, hobbies, personal achievements, and material possessions to mention a few.
- Happiness is a broader and more fleeting emotional state; characterized by feelings of joy, accomplishments, satisfaction, purpose, and positivity. It can be influenced by external factors, such as good news, enjoyable experiences, or positive relationships, but it is not necessarily dependent on them.
Happiness can be short-lived and tends to fluctuate throughout many phases of life.
And now, back to the wedding.
The ceremony took place outdoors on a beautiful blue-sky fall day in Idaho. As I sat watching the procession on a white folding chair with my wife and other attendees, I found myself feeling deeply reflective, joyful, and immensely happy… and it wasn’t even our daughter’s wedding. Other than the bride and her family, we knew almost no one at the celebration.
It wasn’t until after our daughter’s toast, to the newly wedded couple, that I began to connect a few dots about the joyful emotions I was feeling at that moment in time. For me, it was a deep sense of joy, satisfaction, and happiness… just as Oprah and Professor Brooks suggest in their new book.
Becky and I were (and are) so proud of our daughter, as a thoughtful person, friend, young woman, wife, daughter, and in that moment, matron of honor. Her toast was heartfelt, genuine, sincere, thoughtful, with just the right amount of humor and storytelling. (I know I’m a biased father… but it was truly perfect.)
While the toast was only a few minutes in length, a full 27 years’ worth of fatherhood experiences raced through my mind. It was immensely satisfying, and in those moments, I felt a wonderful flood of happiness.
The final toast of the evening was presented by the father-of-the-bride. I doubt there was a father in the room who couldn’t relate to his remarks and toast. He spoke of seeing his baby girl for the first time, the scraped knees, the soccer defeats & injuries, and the broken hearts that are a part of life.
He spoke of how difficult, and yet wonderful, this relational transition was for him. It was a beautiful and emotional tribute to their love and admiration as father/daughter. I’m only a few years removed from giving a similar toast at our daughter’s wedding, and I relived those same emotions again, with a deep sense of satisfaction and happiness.
I doubt I was successful in hiding my tears of joy at least two or three times during the celebration.
My closing thoughts on this topic:
To lead a fulfilling life, it is essential to recognize the intricate relationship between satisfaction and happiness and how they contribute to our overall well-being. Here are some key considerations:
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Set Realistic Goals: Establishing achievable goals that align with your values and aspirations can lead to both satisfaction and happiness. These goals can be personal, professional, or related to your relationships and hobbies.
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Cultivate Gratitude: Practicing gratitude for the positive aspects of your life, no matter how small, can boost both satisfaction and happiness. Recognizing and appreciating what you have can lead to a greater sense of contentment and joy.
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Focus on Relationships: Meaningful connections with others are a significant source of both satisfaction and happiness. Building and nurturing relationships with family, friends, loved ones, and even co-workers can contribute to a fulfilling life.
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Mindfulness and Self-Awareness: Developing mindfulness and self-awareness can help you better understand your desires and emotions. This self-reflection can lead to choices that enhance both satisfaction and happiness.
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Embrace Life’s Ups and Downs: Understand that life is a journey filled with ups and downs. Embracing both the challenges and joys that come your way can lead to a more balanced and satisfying existence. As Arthur indicates in the first quote, to feel happiness, you also must know and experience unhappiness.
Looking through my own personal “lens on life,” being happy in life doesn’t mean continuously and always happy… 24 hours per day, seven days per week. I see that as an unrealistic expectation and those unrealistic expectations are the source of unhappiness for multitudes of people.
“Do you have unreasonable expectations for happiness? Could those expectations be a contributing factor to your unhappiness?”
What are your expectations for happiness this week? Are they realistic?
And finally, what can you accomplish this week that will stir feelings of satisfaction and happiness deep in your soul. Please give it some thought, your happiness is important.
What are your thoughts on this topic? What “happiness advice” might you offer other readers in their quest for happiness in life. I would love to learn from your experiences.
Bonus Quotes Below.
How will you live, love, or lead, differently, or better, this week?
Related articles & video.
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Click here to see Oprah/Brooks interview on CBS Morning; (10.5 minutes)
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Click here to read: In Search of Purpose l LinkedIn- Bryan Yager
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Click here to read: In Search of Happiness, Part 1 I LinkedIn - Bryan Yager
Sincerely,
Bryan Yager
“Expanding Your Capacity for Success”
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Bonus Quotes:
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“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.” – John Lennon
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“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
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“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” – Abraham Lincoln
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“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” – Denis Waitley
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
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“Optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you.” – Mary Lou Retton
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“The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.” – Eric Hoffer
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“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” – Epictetus
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“If you want to be happy, be !” Leo Tolstoy
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“Life is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to be like, and celebrating it for everything that it is .” Mandy Hale
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“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” — Abraham Lincoln
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“Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like.” – Unknown
